While everyone else tried very hard to be politically correct and say the right things and spare people’s feelings – at 72, Carl realized that about the only good thing about getting old was that you don’t need to give a flying f… about anyone or anything.

So, whenever possible (which was always) – he always spoke his truth.

He was husband to auntie, great-uncle to Ella and he was the Say-It-Like-it-Is-Uncle to Emma.

And when he speaks, everyone listens.

By The Messy Optimist

Bathroom Behavior

Uncle and I were in the midst of a philosophical conversation about life, death and reincarnation. As always, we were on opposite sides. I believed strongly in God and Heaven and reincarnation. He believed that I was an idiot. Things were just heating up between us when he took a break to go to the bathroom. And I waited. And I waited. What did we have for lunch? It was a pretty straight forward meal – some vegetarian penne pasta with olives and peppers, garlic bread, a glass of wine for uncle and diet coke for me. You know? Just normal stuff. Oops. Sorry. Am I grossing you guys out with all this reminiscing about food and bathroom in the same breath? It’s just that uncle had been gone for awhile now.

As I waited for him to return I passed time flipping channels with the remote. And then watched a particularly disgusting commercial on TV. I was making faces at the television when uncle, finally, returned.

Me: Yeww! I just saw a commercial that said that most human beings spend as much time in the bathroom as they do going on vacations. Yuck!

Uncle: For men…going to the bathroom IS like being on vacation.

On Walls

Uncle was my mentor. He didn’t want to be but he didn’t have a choice. I showed up asking for advice whether he wanted to give it or not. He did not. Just FYI. But, no matter what, I could always count on uncle to do the right thing and say the right thing. No…not the ‘right’ thing. He was honest. And to be honest, his honesty was always the wrong thing to say to me.

Like, seriously…who wants their mentors to be truthful? Why the f… can’t they lie and tell what you ‘want’ to hear instead of being conscientious and telling you what you ‘need’ to hear.

But, none of that mattered today since something awesome happened and even negative-Nancy Uncle would NOT get me down. So, I rushed over to confess.

Me: Oh, uncle? Did I tell you? I ran into an old friend after many, many days (years, actually). He was one of my closest friends when we were in high school. And I had such a crush on him, back then. He was so smart, so cute AND so respectful of women. And he lived just a few blocks from me. And, guess what uncle?

Uncle (raised eyebrows): What?

Me (very enthusiastically): He is STILL smart (works as a financial consultant at one of those big banks), is still very cute. He is still polite AF. He was gracious, chivalrous, he opened the door for me, paid for my coffee…I can’t even. And guess what? He still lives only a few blocks from me. Know why? Because he bought an apartment close to his parents. He wanted his own space but he still wanted to be near his folks. Awesome, right?

Uncle nodded.

Me: So…we had a wonderful conversation over coffee and muffin. I flirted. He was bashful. And when we were ready to leave I said, “Let’s not ever lose touch again.” He agreed. I said him if he was on social media? He was. Facebook. So we added each other as friends and then as I waved goodbye to him I said, “Feel free to hit me up and post on my Facebook wall anytime you want.”

I paused for a second to let uncle soak in my happiness.

Me: So? What do you think, uncle?

Uncle: Well…given he lives literally two buildings away from you – trust me – if he wanted/wants to really get in touch with you – he will come by and post on your actual house wall.